Dear Vegan White Woman,
Several years ago, I attended a networking event that you were at. Over a year before this event, we had met at a separate event, and we casually spoke about co-hosting a retreat together. I wrote you about discussing the possibility of doing a retreat together and you didn’t call or write me back. Not hearing from you wasn’t what concerned me.
It was at the networking event, where we quickly said hello before the event began, that I was disheartened.
During one of the breaks, you introduced me to someone and said, “Oh, this is Bee. She and I are going to do a retreat together!” I was absolutely taken aback by this statement. I thought, “What? I haven’t seen you in over a year! Who said anything about doing a retreat together?!”
When this happened, I was offended that you would make such a presumption without discussing it with me first. Maybe you thought it was a compliment? Because of this I believed that you didn’t have any respect for me or my work, other than to co-opt it in someway for your own gains.
What I have learned from this is to be really careful about who I even casually suggest working with. I now realize it’s up to me to set really clear boundaries as to who I trust. This experience enabled me to carefully discern whether someone is respectful of me, my work and how we will work together. I’ve learned to raise my standards and seek complete alignment with my co-facilitators; even if it’s for just the one event we might share.
I have forgiven you for the way you introduced me. I have forgiven myself for not speaking up at the time. I’m aware that I have been inconsiderate in my event planning at times. I’ve usually been messy with my boundaries when I was in financial fear or hoped that I would gain some traction in my business growth if someone liked me. I acknowledge myself for being careless during these times. Now I am more concerned with being in alignment with my values, rather than worried about money or acceptance by others.
I am grateful for you, because immediately after that exchange I made it a point to sharpen my alertness people at that event. It’s so much more important to me now, more than ever, to know who is in alignment with my values.
I commit to honoring those who I choose not to work with, to honor who choose not to work with me, to honor those I have to privilege to work with and to honor myself when allowing others to work with me. I’m not perfect, but I am honest. Who knows, maybe we’ll host a retreat together one day! Funnier things have happened!
Thank you for listening.
May we heal the illusion of separation.
Blissful wishes,
Bee